The most frustrating thing in the world
…is watching another human being use a computer. It takes them 3 minutes and 19 clicks to do something that would take you literally two fucking seconds to do. So you just sit there, trying to interject with a helpful tip or two: “Oh—no, you just have to—-oh, okay…yeah sure we’ll go back to the home page…but you could have just - okay - right - okay,...
“I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair. Silent and starving, I prowl through the streets. Bread does not nourish me, dawn disrupts me, all day I hunt for the liquid measure of your steps. I hunger for your sleek laugh, your hands the color of a savage harvest, hunger for the pale stones of your fingernails, I want to eat your skin like a whole almond. I want to eat the sunbeam...
I sincerly hope that one day
I will love someone even half as much as Tom Hanks loved Wilson. That is my new measurement of emotional bonding. “I want to be your Wilson.” That’s wedding vow material, people. You’re welcome.
A six-inch cold cut sub - appropriate to eat on a hot and crowded subway during rush hour? Here’s a hint: NO. YOU ARE MAKING ME WANT TO VOMIT AND I HATE YOU. #Mondays.
Don't let smartphones kill drunken bar debates. →